Tuesday, November 16, 2010 // 9:33 PM
I screwed up.
Great.
They're playing a joke with me.
It was a dis-as-ter.
Wanna know how it went?
ok. It started when the choir was practising, and i was outside, waiting.
And waiting.
AND waiting.
for an hour.
sitting there.
after that, when i FINALLY went in,
they asked me to play on a keyboard.
A KEYBOARD.
what the (*&(^&*^$^%$))(&*^*^$%#^&&^&*
I was SUPPOSED to play on a PIANO, not a keyboard!
you all might think: what's the difference?
mind me, there is hell lot of difference!
of course i screwed up.
i've NEVER played on a keyboard before.
not to mention i'm not used at all with the short keys and lightness of the keyboard.
AND it doesnt have enough keys!
its has like... 2 octaves?
like what the hell?
it didnt have enough keys so i couldn't play the left hand part!
and the choir was singing so i had to catch up
and the whole thing was a disaster.
then teacher asked me to improvise and she played it in a difference style but same key.
i dont know how she did it.
then when we tried again,
i tried,
i really tried to improvise.
but i cant.
screwed up again.
all the choir members were looking at me like what?
and the choir teacher shaked her head at my teacher and said: let her practise first in cantonese
HA! my cantonese lessons didnt go to waste.
let her practise first.
i DID practise god dammnit!
for your information, i practised on a PIANO not a freaking KEYBOARD!
and i have been trying really, really hard this 4 days trying to get it perfect!
i practised really hard!
are you playing a joke on me?
u never said that i'll be playing on a keyboard today!
and u blame me for not playing well?
i know, a professional could have improvise.
but I"M not a professional!
i'm just got the score last week ok, and also the fact that it is harder to play than my grade 7 pieces!
and then on the second song, YOU"RE choir couldn't sing.
they dont even know HOW to sing.
u know what, this is totally unfair.
i've been practising so hard, and this is what it turned out?
then why did i even practise?
i practise just to be laughed at by the choir members, to be intimidated by the choir teacher, to be looked down by my piano teacher.
and i cant even speak out because that would seem like i'm being defensive, and answering back to teachers.
i just sat there, doing nothing.
i couldn't do ANYTHING.
why did u ever choose me if this is gonna happen?
why?
tuesday is the next practise.
i will screw up again.
i know it.
there is no chance that i wont.
i practised so hard this time and in the end, nothing came out of it.
nothing.
oh f***.
siew may.